watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
