dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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