My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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