ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
