just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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