I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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