Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
