i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
