even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
