ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
