Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
