the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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