Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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