I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
