So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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