i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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