Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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