as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
