please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
