Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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