Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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