and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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