I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
