His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
