ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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