shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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