Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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