Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
