My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
