Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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