Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
