my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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