I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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