Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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