How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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