to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
