my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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