A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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