This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
