Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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