i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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