she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
