He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm always down for nudity.
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