this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
