Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she told me i tasted like america
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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