"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
