you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
