so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
