Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
