i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
